Stargate SG-1
Vala Mal Doran, Vala/Daniel, Vala/Cameron
Another insight into Vala’s mind


108 – “I’m trying to find out if my words have any meaning.
I am often interrumpted or completely ignored. But most of all i’m bored”


I often feel as ifi am not valued here.
Most people take me as a joke and don’t believe i have actual input to make.
I’m just a crazy alien chick.

I’m having trouble fitting in.
SG-1 has been very good to me, no doubt about it
Cameron has become a close friend, sometimes even better than Daniel. He has more patience. He is more often willing to teach me about Earth culture.
He has shown me lots of movies and books and tv shows and more importantly,music. He got me an iPod. It’s fantastic.
But not everyone is as nice and accepting as him.
Sam and Teal’c still keep me at arm’s lenght. (a expression Cam taught me)
I liked going shopping with Sam. It was fun, even if her taste was a bit boring for me. For a moment i almost felt as if we were friends. We talk and all is but is usually shallow. No deep soul-bounding moments.
You’d think she’d be happy to have another girl on the team.

I know i could use a girlfriend to talk to.
Daniel and Sam both have pictures of the same woman in their offices/lab
I asked who she was. Dr.Janet Fraiser. Killed a few years ago in the line of duty. Left behind a daughter. An alien they found on some planet and she addopted her. Apparently she and Daniel were an item for a while. I don’t know the whole story. Nobody does. And she was also sam’s best friend. They knew each other from the academy or something. They’re all so scarred. So afraid of losing more people, yet so willing to fight , to give up their lives in the cause. So inmersed in it they don’t really live.

Daniel confuses me. He can be exasperating but so adorable.
He let go of his books long enough to tell me his story. How he became a warrior.
It amazes me how he never gives up. He seems to have a never ending well of hope and strenght. It surprises me how he has became my new home.
I haven’t had one in a while. Haven’t had anything constant for years. No friends, no family, no home, no ship,nothing.
I didn’t thought i needed one until i met Daniel, and he brought me here.
They’re all growing on me, something i never expected.
They say you can’t go home again, and maybe they’re right, but you can build a new one, sometimes even better than the original.

I know i have a long way to go before i belong here, before i earn their trust, but i’m willing to do it. I want to stay here.

It may be not as exciting as my old life but is far more rewarding.
i'm starting a new challenge today.
i call it 'drabble a day' ( kinda like [livejournal.com profile] walladay, get it?)
i'll be posting a drable every day for a month. every fic will be based off a lyric i love.

really long author's note )

----------

#1 "I'm just a off, a lost cause, a long shot, don't even take this bet"

Stargate SG-1,
Vala Mal Doran, Vala/Daniel
rating: for all.
Post-beach head, spoilers for 'prometheus unbound'
some of vala's reflections while living in the Ori homeworld.

***

It’s been a long time since anyone took a chance with me.

I never stay long enough to make friendships, let alone trust people.

Daniel barely knows me, and he only knew bad things, yet he helped me.

That’s who he is. That’s what attracted me to him in the first place.

I mean, if you’re going to be bound to someone,, it might as well be a cute guy who’ll take care of you.



When i tried to hijack the prometheus, all those months ago, i was just trying to save myself, i never thought it would change my whole life.

I never use to think about the future. I was to busy worrying about getting out of whatever mess i was in.



Daniel has helped me a lot. Way more than he knows.

Before knowing him, i would have never risked my life to save anyone and the thought of coming clean about not being a god would have never crossed my mind.



I was happy, i guess, living the moment. But i was alone. And i would’ve stayed alone forever. I never thought i needed company until i found Daniel and the SGC. I never knew i could miss anyone so terribly.

Seeing everyone again, seeing Daniel’s face, even if it was only on a mirror, it was great. I’d do anything to get back to them. I just hope there’s somewhere to go back to. Cause Daniel and i never had our chance.

And he and i gotta live to take it.

January 2013

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